I’ve been running. Not literally, no, I’m a pianist; I sit.
Metaphorically, however, I’ve been launching a mammoth ‘leg it’ from this project. It’s fair to say that I have been experiencing a full-on crisis of confidence. I feel like a failing, floundering composer who’s drowning in a sea of notes.
Okay. It’s not that bad. I just don’t really know where to start. I’ve lost something; momentum perhaps. Writing the short score was coming very readily and naturally. Now I need to stop writing, rewind, and evaluate. Take stock.
Editing one’s own work means to review it, change it, go backwards. Yet it also means to develop, improve and move forwards, too. I have noted all the salient aspects of my tutor’s feedback and listed them in a post. The list looks long and scary! I’m intimidated by it yet I’m also excited by the challenges that lie ahead.
Is it normal to run scared? Perhaps it is. This post documents a moment in my studying where I am unsure. I want to document it so that I can look back on it and see how far I have come.